Thursday, April 24, 2008

Sizzle

I sit here sunburned and bleary-eyed, baked from a day in the beautiful Florida sun, and read my delicious comments from friends afar. And chuckle.

An off-comment about our short Spring, true, was a complaint about the lack of temperate temperatures. I know some of you are still digging out of the effects of Mr. White Christmas. Posting pictures of your POV covered in whiteness other than pollen garners sympathy from The Dot Bigun and other bloggers living below the arctic circle. Throwing snowballs in April, instead of beach balls, just makes me shake my tanned melon as I dive headlong into my not-quite-warm 70 degree pool to cool off after a run in the heat of the day.

While I don't feel your pain, well, I can certainly laugh at, I mean, with you! Where it's OK to gripe about the barely visible mercury, untoward comments visa-vie the Heat Miser bring scorn and contempt. The mere mention of the activation of a sweat gland at low heart rates triggers showers of hate mail and the resentment of the owners of not-quite-thawed bones.

I'm sorry, people!

If you didn't hear it, that was a heart-felt, sincere apology from the.bigun. I'm sorry you have to live in such conditions. To endure the hardships of the pilgrims and the first settlers of this great nation, suffering whilst they cuddled next to open fires. Braving howling winds and biting cold just to get in another lap at the local high school track...well, um, I mean, that's you...not them.

Soon you, too will have high humidity and double-digit UV forecasts! Your lakes will thaw. Flowers will bloom. Browns and greys will be replaced with greens and the colors of daffodils and honey blossoms. And when your thick, gooey red-blood-cell-rich frozen tundra blood does it's first run through warm, moisture laden air with the hot sun beating down your pasty-white skin - you too will bitch about the heat.

And I'll be right here laughing.
Editorial Commentation: Please, oh please take this seriously and comment back about what a heartless bastard I am. Get good and mad I wrote this - the anger might just warm you up a bit...bwahahahaha! (oh, and POV - Privately Owned Vehicle - one of those military vernaculars...)

10 comments:

tri-mama said...

My race sat was rerouted for the first time in it's 18 year history because the snow drifts were too large on the trail.

Send the sun back!

Danielle in Iowa said...

I'm just hoping that the rain/snow we are supposed to get this weekend melts away before my first tri of the season in a week and a half! Seriously! (at least it is a pool swim, but riding while wet if it is cold is not going to be fun!)

Bullet said...

Dear Yankee triathletes,
Please don't be mad at the dot Bigun. Obviously, the UV rays are finding it easier to sink into his brain these days as he's dropping the LBs for Ironman. The dot Bigun is simply in a state of euphoria that all Southerners experience at one point or another. It's a happiness that comes from living in the beautiful South and getting a good healthy dose of Vitamin D year round. The dot Bigun means only to share his happiness with you and truly wishes you the best.

-The Southern Ambassador

J-Wim said...

Appreciate the heartfelt sympathy. I got my first sunburn of the year last weeked in long sleeves.
You are Too Much! (I can't help but sing the heat miser song now, thanks for the ear worm of the day ....)

JohnnyTri said...

your too funny... little do they know you enjoy your year round outdoor training camp in your speedo's.. HA! so I hear..

rockon` bro.. have a great race this weekend!!

Jumper 2.0 said...

Oh God, anybody that gets mad at the .bigun about this post needs to be seen by someone at their local psych institution (lpi).

Lack of temperate temperatures can certainly be understood. I love winter, pilgrim-like or not, it's just too long up here and especially this year!!!! If I was to convince my wife that we should move back to Virginia Beach (my childhood home), I would do it in a heartbeat for the longer spring and fall. If the winter is mild, drive 3 hours west to the mountains if you so desire.

But that won't happen.

Dammit!

stronger said...

high red-blood cell count, pasty white...I think he's talking about ME. :)

That's okay- I like running in snow. It's that nasty humidity I can't stand.

S. Baboo said...

Ok, lets watch the Pilgrim talk.

TRI-ROB said...

*sigh*

Bigun.

I hate you and your sunburned mellon.

And I mean it.

Feel my hate.

Buuuuuuuuuuurn.

Tea said...

heartless bastard