Taconite Humor-Muse

Ok, well, Taconite Boy - you can call him my muse. I try and get funny with his blog from time to time with the Amazing Adventures of Taconite Boy - you may have seen my work. Someday I'll have to go back and publish here, although I doubt anyone would find it as funny, out of context.

Anyway, so TB posts a really funny video.

I find it funny, but never leaving much alone, I came up with my own lyrics. They go along with the song fairly well - but really meant for TB and Trimama, one of the few racing couples I know.

Ahh, yea, that’s right baby, Girl, today we’re gonna triathlon…you know how I know? Cause it’s Sunday, and Sunday’s the day we race. Wednesday is our long bike day with a 45 min run off, but Sunday morning is Triathlon. Cause everything is just right, conditions are perfect. Walt Disney World is miles away, conditions are perfect.

You get up early and say something studly like, “I’m not sure how that oatmeal’s gonna feel in about 5hrs”; I know what you’re trying to say, baby – you’re trying to say, ooh, yea, it’s Business Time. It’s Business Time.

Refrain: It’s Business…It’s Business Time!

That’s what you’re trying to say, you’re trying to say Let’s Get Down to Business - its business time

Refrain: It’s Business…It’s Business Time!

Next thing you know we’re in Transition setting up our gear, that’s all part of it, that “pre-race”. Then you go make your 4th trip to the porto-let, that’s not part of it, but it’s still very important.

Then, were in the water! You’re wearing that baggy old, black 1980’s style wetsuit that you got for free when your tri-buddy got a raise and bought a sleek grey and red Quintano-Roo – but it’s never looked better on you. Oooh, old black baggy wetsuit’s gonna get it on in the water today! You just don’t know what you’re doing to me!

You remove that wetsuit but trip over it ‘cause you didn’t zip it down all the way, but you recover with a barrel roll and slip into T1. Next thing you know you’re down to your shoes and bike helmet, and you know when your down just your bike shoes and helmet what time it is…it’s time for Business! It’s business Time!

Refrain: It’s Business…It’s Business Time!

You know when you’re down to just your shoes and helmet that’s why they call them Business Shoes.

Refrain: It’s Business…It’s Business Time!

Ooh.

Racing hard. Racing hard for two….hours. When it’s you and an Olympic you only need 2 hrs, cause your so intense! Two hours in an Olympic is better than 3 hrs in an Olympic. You say something like, “was that it?” I know what you’re trying to say, you’re trying to say, “aaaah yea, that’s it!”. Then you tell me you want some more, and I’m not surprised. But now I’m tired.

Refrain: It’s Business…It’s Business Time!

Racing hours are over, baby…

Refrain: It’s Business…It’s Business Time!

Real Men of Genius

One more time for M-Gel and Green Eye Lady, and anyone else looking for a laugh...this was originally posted back in December...



Key Music...

Bud Lite Presents: Real Men of Genius. Here's to you, mister Super-Elitist Old-School Triathlon Guy....

Background Singer: Mr. Super-Elitist Old-School Triathlon Guy!

For 24 years you've been toeing the line and throwing elbows at swim starts around the country. You hammer hard on your rusty steel Trek, passing those carbon-framed bikes with a loud "on your left" honking like a freight train outta hell..

Background Singer: On your Leeeeeefft!

Your shirt pockets look like a grocery stand - it'll be a cold day in hell when you bow down to those new-fangled cliff bars and energy drinks. Strapped into your pedals, technology means nothing to you and your bright red speedo, heart rate monitors, power meters and lactate threshold tests be damned.

Background female singers: Like that banana hammock....

Look at all those fools in their fancy new wetsuits - anything above 60 degrees is like bath water to you. Pass the safety pins - those new race number belts are for sissies. You scoff at aid stations, you let newbies struggle in transition and can't for the life of you understand why those fat, slow Clydesdale's should get a medal and you can't.

Background Singer: Loose some weight you fat ass.

And while you sit hour after hour, day after day posting comments into SlowTwitch about the way things used to be and should be, slowly but surely losing every triathlon friend you ever had, crack open a cold one, 'cause we salute you...

Background Singer: Mr. Super-Elitist Old-School Triathlon Guy!