Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Bigun's New Lawn Nemisis

Bigun got some speed work in today. Yep, full on sprint work. It wasn't planned, of course. There I was, minding my own business, when right in front of me was my dear friend, the WASP. No, not the White Anglo Saxon Princess kind either (although I'm not sure which is worse...).

I was happily, if not sweatily (if that's a word) cutting the hedges of customer #1 for the day, when I must have disturbed a nest of wasps - now I've cut these particular hedges before, and no occupants existed during my previous visits. They gave away the attack with WASP #1 - he flew straight for my face, and with my cat-like reflexes, I backed up a couple steps and it was then I spotted the main attack. 15 to 20 of the flying stingers pointed my way, pissed off that I had so boldly tried to cut up their home.

Spying their main effort I quickly (in a nano-second) deduced that a hasty retreat was in order. Emphasis on HASTY. With no time for a warm-up, I dropped my still running hedger (safety first - Mom always said never run with scissors, especially the kind with horse power) spun on my right foot and launched with the left, straight down a little hill. Screaming might have come into play - if a tree falls in the forest - but I don't remember. In my ever-so-quick beat-feet-ed-ness I, of course, stumbled and barrel rolled a good 25 t0 50 yards from my point of launch.

Worried that my obstacle entanglement may have cost me a clean get-a-way, I counterattacked with my trusty, yet sweaty, baseball cap. Flailing in earnest around my head and shoulders, I swatted with random patterns to be sure to thwart their Kamikaze-like attack flights. Taking a quick inventory, I realized that I had no burning holes in my appendages; I had escaped Scot-free! The Wasp Commander must have known whom he was dealing with and sounded the recall of his attack squadron - I missed all that. I'm sure the little buggers got a good laugh...but when the owners bring in the heavy guns tomorrow - Raid or Raid-like products - I'll be the one with the last laugh!


No sooner had I packed my lawn equipment into the trailer when I noticed a bit of stiffness in my right quad...sure enough - I pulled something! Crimeny - now I have to stretch every morning before cutting grass on the off chance I have another fight-or-flight encounter with the Florida wildlife. This business just gets more and more interesting every day.

19 comments:

Jenny Davidson said...

Great post! Too bad about the lawn-related injury...

blink140pnt6 said...

Wasps of both varieties are nasty, way to be fleet of foot.

Di aka "Mrs Bigun" said...

LOL great telling of your near demise darling! You are a funny guy! If only you were funny in person....

J-Wim said...

I am picturing a full-on whirling seizure set to the Benny Hill song....... I think I pulled something laughing.
Sorry to hear you pulled a hammy. You should ask Di real nice to massage it.

Green Eyed Lady (aka GEL) said...

Love the analogies. WASP to wasp. Wasp to dive bomber. You really do have a way with words AND pictures. You couldn't find one with a big guy rolling down the hill? Was(su)p with that? ;)

The Wrench said...

And this is why I carry an epi pen on me.

S. Baboo said...

Bee stories! Had a bee get sucked into the car window going 75mph and smack me in the face stinger first. Had a friend riding motorcycles with me drive through a swarm of bees and got a few sucked into his helmet.

I love the roll!

1HappyAthlete said...

Did you have your HR monitor so you can log your speedwork?

bigmike600 said...

Revenge will be sweet. I got stung in the face by a mud wasp once. Felt like I got socked with a shovel. Now I run like hell if I even hear a buzz.

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

GAA! I hate wasps. I do. They are horrible creatures. They do horrible unspeakable things to other bugs. They may be God's creatures, but they ain't right.

Di aka "Mrs Bigun" said...

I am with Pirate on wasps - horrible creatures! blech!!

JohnnyTri said...

now thats a lighten fast reaction..
stop, drop and roll..HA!

glad you escaped stung-free.

rockon`

tri-mama said...

I stepped on a nest of ground wasps while cutting firewood once- panic- good thing I dropped the chain saw....

and yes, you really ought to plan for Florida '08....step toward the light.....

Tri-Dummy said...

SF guys never retreat. You simply attacked from a different direction.

Well done, Grass Boy.

I've been collecting tons of info for you out here, homey.

Yeti said...

You should wear a yellow and black tri-suite and make a buzzing sound while mowing so you blend with the rest of the swarm.

Comm's said...

What out for the surging crocs. I heard there was tri-lateral talks between the prarie dog leader, the wasp commander and El Capi-tan Croc

S. Baboo said...

ok man you are getting 16...now 17 I geuss, comments on a wasp mishap...WTF! You should see how minimal a post you can get away with and still get a zillion comments.

excel man said...

Does tri-dummy know that the swim portion of the triathlon is normally conducted on the surface? What's with the SCUBA gear? He must have a heckofa time running to T1.

Tea said...

That is SO funny! Sorry you got the bad end of it, but the visual...I've been laughing all day long.