Friday, March 23, 2007

Weekend Update

Welcome back for another bit of fake news, with your host, Bigun. Today we have the honor and privilege of having a lovely co-host on the show, please give a warm, Big-Bike welcome for Trimama!

Trimama - Thanks Bigun, it's great to be on the show.

Bigun - Nice to have you here, Trimama, and congratulations on your new Tri-workout program, I hear it was just published this week.

Trimama - That's right, we expect it to hit the infomercials within the month.

Bigun - Good thing I've got Tevo - on the phone today we have Mister Marine himself, none other than Gunny Highway who's called in from Camp Lejeune to comment on some recent developments - Gunny are you there?

Highway - If I were half as ugly as you, Bigun, I'd be a poster boy for a prophylactic!

Bigun - and a hardy welcome to the show to you too, Highway - how does it feel to have a tri-bike named in your honor?

Highway - What choice did people have? Cervesa O'Toole just doesn't make sence - and just because Tri-Dummy's named his bike after me doesn't mean we're going to be taking warm showers together until wee hours of the morning...

Bigun - aaa, thanks Gunny...Trimama, tell us about your new workout program!

Trimama - Sure thing, Bigun - it's called "3 Weeks to Ironman". You know how everyone wants instant gratification these days...

Bigun - Sure do...

Trimama - well, my tried and tested program can get your average couch potato from the Playstation to the Ironman finish line in just 3 Weeks. Following my 30-minutes a day workout plan, we'll burn the calories and build the fitness necessary to have any one of you hear those most hallowed words, "you are an Ironman".

Bigun - Trimama you ignorant slut! There's absolutely no way your program's going to work! I haven't heard something that ridiculous since I heard someone was going to publish a book about thier blogs! Like anyone would pay good money for a book like that...Lets move on and report on a troubling story brewing amongst the raceAthlete team members.

Trimama - It seems we have a group smackdown - a circle smack, as it were, amongst most of the members of Team raceAthlete. It started rather innocently as a friendly wager between Bolder and Stu and has grown out of control. Roman has laid down the gauntlet and claims he will squash our fair country maiden, Rural Girl. Poor Rural Girl. Those Po-locks must raise kids differently over there - here in America we don't pick on poor, helpless little country girls. As these things usually do, the Circle-Smack is already escalating - not only does the winner of the Bold-Stu Smack-Down have to wash the other's bike, he must also post pictures of said washing...recently the ante was raised even further - the loser has to break out the sheers and "de-pant" the winner..."de-pant"? Did I read that right?

Bigun - De-pant, un-pant, amongst these sick-o's, it's all the same, Trimama, it's all the same.

And that's all the fake news for today, but tune in next time for the continuing saga of the raceAthlete Circle-Smack! This is Bigun and Trimama - thanks and train hard everyone.


Fe-lady said...

I am SO confused right now...great pix of Chewbacca...too funny!

Carrie said...

I think you have to try harder than "ignorant slut" to get in the penalty box. It was too predictable. Mama- make him really work for it!

I love your weekend update- it is a gift!

Bigun said...

I could't hope to enter the revered penalty box with such a weak display of poorly contrived humor - I'm in this race for the long haul, we're in the BASE phase...

Di said...

base or basement?!?!? phase.

Di said...

the wookie looks kinda gay

Bolder said...



there was no talk of depanting