Saturday, June 23, 2007

Real Men of Genius

One more time for M-Gel and Green Eye Lady, and anyone else looking for a laugh...this was originally posted back in December...



Key Music...

Bud Lite Presents: Real Men of Genius. Here's to you, mister Super-Elitist Old-School Triathlon Guy....

Background Singer: Mr. Super-Elitist Old-School Triathlon Guy!

For 24 years you've been toeing the line and throwing elbows at swim starts around the country. You hammer hard on your rusty steel Trek, passing those carbon-framed bikes with a loud "on your left" honking like a freight train outta hell..

Background Singer: On your Leeeeeefft!

Your shirt pockets look like a grocery stand - it'll be a cold day in hell when you bow down to those new-fangled cliff bars and energy drinks. Strapped into your pedals, technology means nothing to you and your bright red speedo, heart rate monitors, power meters and lactate threshold tests be damned.

Background female singers: Like that banana hammock....

Look at all those fools in their fancy new wetsuits - anything above 60 degrees is like bath water to you. Pass the safety pins - those new race number belts are for sissies. You scoff at aid stations, you let newbies struggle in transition and can't for the life of you understand why those fat, slow Clydesdale's should get a medal and you can't.

Background Singer: Loose some weight you fat ass.

And while you sit hour after hour, day after day posting comments into SlowTwitch about the way things used to be and should be, slowly but surely losing every triathlon friend you ever had, crack open a cold one, 'cause we salute you...

Background Singer: Mr. Super-Elitist Old-School Triathlon Guy!

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, I can see you have visited my Local Bike Shop/ Tri store. They have the professional/Elite mentality without the actual talent or drive to back it up. I can see them singing that everytime now when my 6'5 250lb body lumbers across thier threshold.

Big Bike Fan said...

ROFLMAO That's a good one, I think I have met that guy....a few times!!!

Myles said...

Ha! I would have loved to see what sent you down this path. I sure the insult would have fueled a couple more wins for me in the comming year!

Hey, Alcatraz! Maaannn.

Tri-Dummy said...

THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

GeekGirl said...

This was AWESOME! I love those bud light commercials. If you could really get this done and set to music, you'd have a hit!!

bigmike600 said...

Hands down, Way above the rest and by far the funniest thing I have read in a looonnnggg time. I can actually hear the guy singing that. Dude you gotta leave the lawn mowing and start writing comedy.

J-Wim said...

Banana hammock always makes me laugh.
But I prefer the term Dink Suit.

blink140pnt6 said...

Thanks for the replay. Was somebody disin da Bigun, to fuel this?

JohnnyTri said...

Freakn` too fun!!...

rockon`

Wrenching Winz said...

The Men of the Square Table have issued a new Man Law....

Super elistist old school triathlon guys should hereby hold their own races at their own expense.

This has been a man law update

Green Eyed Lady (aka GEL) said...

Open Mic Night. Tampa Improv. Be there.

Excel man said...

Bigun! You're a blogging legend! You should sell the script to the Bud dudes! Now turn off your computer and go train!

Linae said...

And it's still vrey funny! Thanks for the laugh.